Hot Pockets a Health Food?


Hot Pockets Barebecue ChickenSo yesterday I am standing in the kitchen waiting for the microwave to ding and while I wait I am reading the side of the Hot Pockets packaging.

ASIDE: Yes, I am openly admitting to the world that I do indeed occasionally partake of a Hot Pocket. Yes, I realize admitting this will probably destroy my reputation and you will forever look at me differently. But gosh darn those barbecue chicken Pockets are darn tasty: END OF ASIDE

I notice, not for the first time so I guess it is like a re-noticing of sorts, that the packaging proudly and boldly states, “0 trans fats per serving” and “8 essential vitamins and minerals.” If I am remembering correctly it even claimed “Good source of calcium.”

Ok Hot Pockets people are you really trying to pass off your product as good for you? Do you honestly think anyone has ever been on the search for a healthy eating choice and upon spotting the copy on the Hot Pockets packaging thought “Oh these delicious pockets of molten cheese, sauce, and meat are good for you. I will make them a part of my healthy balanced diet!”

8 essential vitamins and minerals? Wouldn’t cardboard if tested probably contain at least 4? Pixie sticks probably arehotpockets_hotandhealthy equally as packed with vitamins and minerals. Good source of calcium? So is a bucket of Rocky Road.

I think the real estate on the packaging could be much better utilized. Perhaps some copy emphasizing the uniqueness of the product. “Hot Pockets – the perfect choice for those 2:30 AM post-bar stumbling-drunk munchies!” or “Hot Pockets – when you just don’t  give’a about your health!”

Don’t misunderstand.  As I said I do enjoy the occasional delicious lava-like hot pocket myself. I just find it rather silly to try to health-up a blatantly unhealthy snack food. I do realize there is a Lean Pocket line as well. But even those I would categorize as “Not as unhealthy as regular Hot Pockets.” Let’s just agree to call a Hot Pocket a Hot Pocket and continue to enjoy them even thou they have no redeeming nutritional value.

On a related note, I am unable to see, say, write the words Hot Pocket anymore without hearing (and singing) comedian Jim Gaffagin sing-songy rendition of the Pockets jingle, “Hoooooot Pooockeeettts.” Standing in the aisle at the grocery store, or in my kitchen zapping one in the microwave I always sing the jingle. Ask my poor embarrassed husband and he will tell you that unfortunately it’s true.

If you haven’t seen Gaffagin’s riff on Hot Pockets it is worth seeing.

Enjoy! … (NSFW? Perhaps?)